Every week the Zombie Cookbook brings you more evidence of the impending zombie-apocalypse. This week, it became apparent that Miss Jolie’s army of zombie-adoptees aren’t the only zelebs running rampant in Hollywood. The virus is spreading like wildfire amongst A-listers and we know just what’s causing it.
First, Lady Gaga implied that she may have fallen victim to lupus. Her pale complexion and jerky ‘dance’ moves (yeah right, you try and control a zombie once it’s turned) makes us suspect otherwise…
Then, Christina Aguilera was ‘forced’ to cancel her tour due to prior engagements. Prior engagements to do what? We think her only prior engagement is that she too has fallen prey to the army of the undead! While Aguilera has been accused of imitating Gaga in her new video “Not Myself Tonight”, this so called ‘copying’ of Gaga’s moves and music seem more like a clear cut case of contamination to us.
Finally, John Mayer announced the cancellation of the remainder of his tour as well. His management claim this is due to illness, but we all know it’s impossible to be such a douche without being a zombie.
What’s causing this outbreak amongst these A-lister you wonder? We think we may have found the answer… Lindsey Lohan was caught doing cocaine at a party when she was supposed to be in court. Now, Miss Lohan has been walking around like the undead for years, so it's hard to tell when she even turned, but our team of researchers discovered that impure cocaine may be the cause of all this trouble. As it turns out, 80% of the stuff contains a chemical that rots the flesh… And once the flesh starts to rot, it’s only a matter of time before the rest goes…
First, Lady Gaga implied that she may have fallen victim to lupus. Her pale complexion and jerky ‘dance’ moves (yeah right, you try and control a zombie once it’s turned) makes us suspect otherwise…
Then, Christina Aguilera was ‘forced’ to cancel her tour due to prior engagements. Prior engagements to do what? We think her only prior engagement is that she too has fallen prey to the army of the undead! While Aguilera has been accused of imitating Gaga in her new video “Not Myself Tonight”, this so called ‘copying’ of Gaga’s moves and music seem more like a clear cut case of contamination to us.
Finally, John Mayer announced the cancellation of the remainder of his tour as well. His management claim this is due to illness, but we all know it’s impossible to be such a douche without being a zombie.
What’s causing this outbreak amongst these A-lister you wonder? We think we may have found the answer… Lindsey Lohan was caught doing cocaine at a party when she was supposed to be in court. Now, Miss Lohan has been walking around like the undead for years, so it's hard to tell when she even turned, but our team of researchers discovered that impure cocaine may be the cause of all this trouble. As it turns out, 80% of the stuff contains a chemical that rots the flesh… And once the flesh starts to rot, it’s only a matter of time before the rest goes…
